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5 F**king Train Wrecks (Fall Movies for 2009) that we shouldn't see, but what the hell.....

As the summer movie season comes to a close, I thought what better way to start off the fall movie season (September- December 2009) than to look at movies I know are fucking train wrecks or movies that will definitely be total shit but some unknown force is drawing me to that particular movie to see if my suspicions were correct or not (call it the curiousity factor). Just like when you were a kid, you couldn't watch when something bad is going to happen (in a movie), so you put your hand over your face but you are looking at the screen in between the cracks in your fingers. This is similar......

5. Saw VI (Opens Oct. 23)- The most successful horror franchise in the new millenium comes to a close with the final chapter in the Jigsaw saga (supposedly- we shall see). I can overlook the horrible acting as long as it has blood, gore and innovative ways to torture people to keep me entertained for 90 minutes (which Saw definitely has). What is left of the storyline? Jigsaw? Dead. His apprentice? Hmmm dead, of course. Apparently, there is a new successor... Detective Hoffman (how original a crooked cop). My theory for the final chapter is somehow, someway I am guessing that the Jigsaw's wife will be the killer or be involved with the whole conspiracy in one way or another.

4. Jennifer's Body (Opens Sep. 18)- Can screenwriter Diablo Cody follow-up Juno with another masterpiece? Probably not. Can Megan Fox carry a movie by herself without Shia and actually give a decent performance that doesn't make you cringe everytime she opens her mouth? Probably not. Basic premise is a possessed cheerleader(Megan Fox) who turns into a killer offing her male classmates? WTF? Hmmm sounds like the Faculty (w/ Josh Hartnett) mixed with Species to me.

3. Couples Retreat (Opens Oct. 9)- Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau's latest movie about four couples going on a resort vacation. When I saw the trailer, to me, I didn't see anything that made me laugh or brought anything I haven't seen before. Just a recycling of older movies combined together, to me I thought it was a mixture of Four Christmases (if they actually went to Fiji as they planned it would have been this movie along with 3 other friends) and Forgetting Sarah Marshall sprinkled with Along Came Polly. Vince Vaughn's movies are a hit or a miss, so take your pick.

2. Twilight 2: New Moon (Opens Nov. 20)- (Am I in the minority for saying this?) What is all the fuss about? Is it the book? I didn't see anything from the first movie that has me going ape shit over. Horrible effects, bad acting, and everything I know about vampires being changed and having me scratching my head saying ,WTF? For the new movie they did change the director to Chris Weitz (from American Pie movies), maybe he will bring new blood and actually improve upon the special effects. Me? I'll take Eric and his vampire misfits from True Blood rather than Twilight teen-a-roma-wtf?

1. 2012 (Opens Nov. 13)- Roland Emmerich's latest distaster pic, can he actually write a decent script while making an entertaining movie by blowing national monuments up? Hmmmm, let's look at his previous films he has written and directed to decide. 10,000 BC? Disappointment. Day After Tomorrow? Disappointment. Godzilla? Zzzzz. ID4? Ehh it was ok I give him that one. Basic premise is a global cataclysm that brings the world to an end. I do give that the movie looks great (all his movies do), but I doubt it will have an actually script to go along with the special effects which will only make it forgettable after you leave the theater.

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Comment by Jessica on November 15, 2009 at 11:09pm
I thought Saw VI was significantly better than Saw V. I actually enjoyed the movie. However, the series is a huge guilty pleasure of mine... among other things..

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